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Friday Funnys Or Mon Madness,tus Ticklers, wed wackys,thrus thunders,jokes

#1 User is offline   leny3 

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Post icon  Posted 24 February 2006 - 07:06 PM

just thought i would start a thread with some humour in it for laffs :P

please add your own jokes you find make you giggle and laff :D


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5
minutes.

AND;


He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it

She said . . . You wear pants don't you?


He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
sit
on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave
you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you're never there.

He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . . They don't have time

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
and
Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is
every
night?
He said . . . A widow.Posted Image

This post has been edited by leny3: 09 November 2007 - 10:56 PM

It's Better To Be Ridicules Than Absolutely Boring !
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#2 User is offline   Paingiver 

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Posted 24 February 2006 - 07:12 PM

More! :+1: :D :clap: :lol: :xlaugh:
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#3 User is offline   coluche 

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Posted 25 February 2006 - 01:54 AM

Hej, here's a poem, written on a different board (www.trle.net) and I think it fit's well with leny3's stuff :

sash said:

You're a little bit ugly,
And a little bit smelly,
There's a boil on your bum,
And is that a basketball or your belly,

It doesn't really matter,
And I don't really care,
Because you're the one I love,
But really what's with the back hair?!?

Now it's time to roll off,
Your minute is over,
If you don't stop burping and farting,
You're sleeping with Rover!

;) 


:xlaugh: leny3, what a horrible avatar :P

This post has been edited by coluche: 25 February 2006 - 02:02 AM

It's Screamin' Jay Hawkins and he's a Wild Man, so bug off!
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#4 User is offline   PacoBell 

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Posted 25 February 2006 - 03:08 AM

coluche, on Feb 24 2006, 05:54 PM, said:

:xlaugh: leny3, what a horrible avatar :P
View Post
Yeah, I remember seeing that one on another board. Still makes me cringe every time I see it >.<
Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes
Math is delicious!
MmMm! Mauna Loa Milk Chocolate Toffee Macadamias are little drops of Heaven ^_^
Si vis pacem, para bellum DIE SPAMMERS DIE!

#5 User is offline   Paingiver 

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Posted 25 February 2006 - 06:31 AM

Compared to a picture of loony, its quite mild really! :-k

:lol:
T.W.O. Vice President in charge of spam (or the lack there of!).·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸><(((º>

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Listen to the C64 remix scene on Slay Radio
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It really does kick Nectarines butt! * * * *
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#6 User is offline   tijnenzo 

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Posted 25 February 2006 - 10:32 AM

Q: How does a blond interpret a 69 ?

A: a 6.9 interrupted by a period.

A man enters a bar and orders two beers, drinks them, pays the bartender and leaves the bar.
He does this for one week, every day.
Then when the man enters again, the bartender asks "why do you order two beers at the same time ?"
The man answers "My brother is on the other side of the globe and we agreed that when we would go to a bar, we would order a beer for the both of us."
After one week the man enters the bar again and orders one beer, which made the bartender curious and he asks "what happend, did your brother die ?"
"Nah, the man answers," I quit drinking"


There's a big construction ground in the middle of a town, they are building a skyscraper. It's lunch time and three construction workers are taking position on a iron bar at the 10th floor.
Suddenly one of the workers looses his balance and falls to an instant death. His co-workers got frightened and one of them says "Now who's gonna tell misses black her husband died ?"
The other one says " oh, I will." So he leaves the construction grounds.
After an hour he comes back whistling and carries a case of beer on his shoulder.
"I thought you were gonna tell misses Black she's a widow ?"
"I did"
"How, and what's with the beer ?"
"Well, I rang her doorbell, she opened and I asked her if she was a widow"
"No" she says, so I say "wanna bet for a case of beer"

:D
“Life is growth. If we stop growing, technically and spiritually, we are as good as dead.”

Morihei Ueshiba
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#7 User is offline   leny3 

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Post icon  Posted 04 March 2006 - 12:02 AM

Subject: nutrition



For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
FACTS
1 Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
2 Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
3 Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
4 Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
5 Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
It's Better To Be Ridicules Than Absolutely Boring !
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#8 User is offline   bringiton 

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Posted 04 March 2006 - 01:32 AM

Well you should live long and prosper, ya loon! :D
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#9 User is offline   leny3 

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Post icon  Posted 04 March 2006 - 10:31 AM

bringiton, on Mar 4 2006, 01:32 AM, said:

Well you should live long and prosper, ya loon!  :D
View Post



LMAO i walked right into that 1 :P
GIT :D
It's Better To Be Ridicules Than Absolutely Boring !
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#10 User is offline   leny3 

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Post icon  Posted 04 March 2006 - 03:03 PM

Piracy Terrorist Brought Down

NewYork: This Friday morning the leading piracy terrorist 'Osama-Bin-Download' was shot by the police after a 3hour pursuit.
Osama-Bin-Download leader of an international operating network called 'Al-Warez-a' was charged earlier this month with 2850 other defendants from all over the world after an 8-year international law enforcement sting codenamed Operation All-Your-Base-Are-Belong-TO-US.
Al-Warez-a allegedly downloaded 23 gigabytes of software, computer games and movies with a total retail value in excess of $US20.5 x10^500 billion.
John Liar director of the RIWLA (Recording Industry and World Leaders Association) said: “We are happy that we were able to stop this man. Only a dead pirate is a good pirate. We hope our anti-piracy law will be confirmed these days and we are able to execute people like Osama-Bin-Download or other piracy-terrorists who believe they can make their own copies at home. Even with our new high-security-prison for over 300.000 software pirates we are not able to handle more. The electric chair or ‘death by hanging’ is the only opportunity to solve the problem permanently". :clap:
It's Better To Be Ridicules Than Absolutely Boring !
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#11 User is offline   leny3 

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Post icon  Posted 05 March 2006 - 10:37 AM

A married couple are driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles
per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce"
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again."I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly
and slowly increases the speed to 55mph.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.
Up to 60mph.
"I want the car, too," he continues.
65 mph.
"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and
the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him
and smiles. "The airbag"
Now that's revenge!!!
Moral of the Story: Women are clever!!! Don't mess with them!! Just smile and pass this on to those who need a laugh!!!
It's Better To Be Ridicules Than Absolutely Boring !
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#12 User is offline   drizzit 

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Posted 16 March 2006 - 05:31 PM

We have lift off !!! :D

Posted Image
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#13 User is offline   Paingiver 

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Posted 16 March 2006 - 05:58 PM

You nwo guys are pretty sick! :-k I bet that picture is part of your personal collection! <_<
T.W.O. Vice President in charge of spam (or the lack there of!).·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸><(((º>

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Listen to the C64 remix scene on Slay Radio
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#14 User is offline   PacoBell 

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Posted 17 March 2006 - 05:02 AM

I dunno about the other bits, but that HMD looks downright seckseh! *whistle!* *holler!*
Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes
Math is delicious!
MmMm! Mauna Loa Milk Chocolate Toffee Macadamias are little drops of Heaven ^_^
Si vis pacem, para bellum DIE SPAMMERS DIE!

#15 User is offline   drizzit 

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Posted 19 March 2006 - 05:31 AM

I HMD'd in 1999 last time...! :lol:

The game was called "Dactyl Nightmare".
I think it was a boosted Atari or Amiga...
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#16 User is offline   PropellerBrain 

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Posted 21 March 2006 - 11:30 PM

drizzit, on Mar 16 2006, 05:31 PM, said:

We have lift off !!!  :D
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I hope that it's not you in that picture.
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#17 User is offline   leny3 

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Post icon  Posted 23 March 2006 - 07:46 PM

lern to talk chinese

1) That's not right………………………….Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive…………..Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………………………Kum Hia

4) Stupid Man……………………………….Dum Gai

5) Small Horse………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach…………………Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped the coffee table……………….Ai Bang Mai Ni

8) I think you need a face lift………………..Chin Tu Fat

9) PropellerBrain……………………Wai So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight……………………..Li Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile……………Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

ps no offence intended to any of the chinese comunaty :+1:

This post has been edited by leny3: 23 March 2006 - 08:28 PM

It's Better To Be Ridicules Than Absolutely Boring !
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#18 User is offline   Paingiver 

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Posted 23 March 2006 - 07:51 PM

I think No9 is the funniest! :lol:
T.W.O. Vice President in charge of spam (or the lack there of!).·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸><(((º>

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Listen to the C64 remix scene on Slay Radio
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#19 User is offline   Unyure 

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Posted 23 March 2006 - 08:25 PM

leny3, on Mar 23 2006, 08:46 PM, said:

lern to talk chinese
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Leny, finally we can understand you! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
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#20 User is offline   PropellerBrain 

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Posted 23 March 2006 - 08:27 PM

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